What Is Self-Love?

Let's begin by saying that self-love is not just a fancy term that we like to use. It's a necessity, a skill that we need to develop because we will need it for a lifetime. Don't trick yourself into thinking we should have these skills from birth. No one does: we cultivate them.

We've all thought about treating ourselves better at times, perhaps even spoiling ourselves occasionally. But self-love is not about buying yourself a pair of shoes or taking yourself out to watch a movie. Actually, that disorientates us from the real thing, that is, if we rely on similar things like these and haven't taken it further yet. We need to understand that loving ourselves is not about telling ourselves we are "amazing" and "wonderful," even though we are in many ways. It needs to go further than that. Having love for yourself means you accept yourself fully and you have come to terms with the parts of you that you once hated about yourself. It's about being your own best company. It's about being able to rely on yourself and feel safe because you know you have your back.

Loving yourself is realizing that you should take care of yourself just like a loving parent would. Remember, you are the parent in your life, and you have to be responsible. It's about being able to embrace yourself even if you have neglected yourself in the past.

It's about forgiving yourself for your faults and mistakes and fully accepting the things that you once hated the most about you. It's about paying attention to what it is that you need and are genuinely asking for.

Self-love is keeping your promises to yourself. It's about fulfilling those life desires, and your true dreams, not just treating yourself with a night out. It's about clearing your own path from all the stones and obstacles that life throws at you. It's about continuing and persevering. It's asking for help when you need it, being compassionate when you're not feeling brave enough, and fully listening to your inner voice. It’s about respecting yourself.

It's about not putting up with behaviors from others that are not respectful towards you either directly or indirectly. It's about speaking your mind when you want to say something and standing up for yourself when you need to. It’s about discerning and understanding the existence of private agendas of those who would tear us down and peacefully taking steps to distance yourself from them toward the goal of health.

It's about looking at the person you are and being proud of what you've accomplished. This is not in a grandiose, narcissistic way, but in a way that brings you peace and makes you feel recognition.

These skills are not within us, so we need to develop them and continuously improve them. In the end, it really comes down to considering your own desires equally important as anyone's. In the end, it really comes down to recognizing and respecting your own uniqueness and those of others without being manipulated on the one hand or judgmental on the other.

Loving yourself is a lifelong romance and you get to write the love story. Is there anything more luxurious than that?

by Zoe Shields